I'm not sure if I've been allowing my sinful flesh to sabotage the good things God has for me, or if I've just been unintentionally spiritually dense in some areas. Either way, I'm tired of it, and I'm starting to wake up and remember that this life is not a game, and that there's a war going on. Internally, I need to feed my spirit and starve my sinful wilfulness. I've heard that, and known that, before. So how do I process this? How do I go about an intentional momentum shift? That's what I want to start looking at, learning, doing, and writing about so I have a record of it, and maybe it will help others too.
One of the things I want to start focusing on is the assumptions that I make, some of which might be so ingrained that I don't even think about them, I just act on them. I want to look carefully at them, expose them to the light of God's truth, and then keep or change them as necessary. An example might be the assumption that I have a right to comfort, health, prosperity, marriage, leisure time, etc., basically to live life on my own terms. I want to dig into which things are promised by God, which are gifts and privileges, which might instead be hindering my walk with God, and so forth. Another example is the assumption of guilt when I am aware of disobeying God, and the assumption of innocence when I am unaware of having done so. How do I factor in my eternal status with God and what He has done for me, taking my sinful flesh into account, and remaining humble and grateful? Another assumption I want to look at is how I try to judge the thoughts, feelings, and motives of others based on my own. I think it's important to empathize with others, give them the benefit of the doubt, and really listen to what they're saying, rather than just what I'm hearing, but I have to recognize that only God can truly search the motives of people's hearts, and I should focus on finding out mine instead of other people's.
Speaking of other people, another thing I want to focus on is the way I think of them, what that says about the way I think of God, and vice versa. I think it will help me to better understand, love and serve both God and others as I do this. For instance, God has called Himself my Father. In what ways does that knowledge affect the way I treat my parents? And does the way I think about my parents affect the understanding that I have of who God is and what He is like? How can I improve my relationship with both God and my parents? I can, and should, ask those kind of questions about every sort of relationship that I have. God reveals Himself to me often through the analogies He has placed around us here on earth, and what better and more visible analogy than the way I interact with other people? For example, He has also revealed Himself as a friend, a lover, an authority, a servant, and more. When I dig deeper I find that before choosing Him, I had made myself His enemy. How did He treat His enemies, and how should I treat mine? Before I knew Him, He was a stranger to me, with strange ways. How then should I treat strangers, and those I don't understand? As you can see, I will have a lot of food for thought in this area.
Considering analogies, I also want to look at some other things in life that point to God, and explore those, rather than just letting them pass by unnoticed. I want to consider what God tells us about Himself through those things, and how I can apply that to my life.
Obviously, all of this is an enormous task. I'm not sure if it should be considered a complete overhaul, or just routine maintenance, on my thinking. One thing I just realized though... if I let myself go for too long without routine maintenance, there may not be much difference between the two.
So, my plan is to be writing more consistently again, and not just once a week writing out what I've learned from the sermon. (Though I plan to continue that.) For a while I lost my focus, or had writer's block, or whatever you call it, but I'm excited to have new and related focus, and get back into writing actively. May it be a blessing, and may God be glorified through it. May He also make the changes that are so needed in my life.
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