Sunday, February 24, 2013 - 8:10 pm

Pastor Kip's final sermon in his 3-part series on marriage was today, and he spoke from 1 Peter 5:5-7, "...clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' / Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. / Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." This week Kip was focusing on what to do with the desires that we have in our relationships, especially marriage. We are to be humble, putting the other person's dreams, wishes, hopes and desires ahead of our own. So what do we do with our desires? Not lose sight of them, and not pretend they don't exist. We take all those desires, and any anxiety, worry or concern we might have about them, and we place them on God's shoulders, not our own and not the other person's. God knows all of our desires anyway, and since He cares for us, He cares about the things that are worrying us too.
The other thing Kip talked about was how to discuss these desires and expectations. The first way is confession. It's not pointing at how someone else has put unfair expectations on us, but taking responsibility for having turned our own desires into expectations, apologizing and working on it. The second way is asking questions - again, about how we can improve, not how they can. The two questions he suggests are: "Where do you feel pressured to live up to my expectations?" and "What can I do to make our marriage/relationship richer?" It's not about knowing every single desire they have, because some of those are meant to be left on God's shoulders, but it does help to see what we can do to work towards some of those desires. The third way is through reward, responding with gratitude when the other person does fulfill our desires - they may not have even realized that they did anything special, but showing gratitude helps them to see that and be more inclined to do it again. A principle that Kip shared with us is this: What's rewarded is repeated. A short note in a text, email, or letter can be a great way to show that appreciation.
Even though I'm not married yet, now is the perfect time for me to practice humility, giving God my anxious thoughts, and to apply these principles in my own life, so I'll be prepared when I do get married.